Voice

Finding our voice in this world can be a really difficult thing. We are wired for human connection, and our need for belonging often influences our words and the way we use them.

We are shaped from a very early age by the way we use our words. As infants and toddlers, we get positive reinforcement for cooing, making eye contact, and repeating what our caregivers say to us. A few years later, we recognize that our words give us identity - we become the funny one, the smart one, the quiet one, the rebellious one. As we grow up, our words help us fit in or stand out, and we recognize that they can bring us praise or criticism. We learn to alter our words to fit into the situation we are in. We speak differently to our parents than we do our friends, and we talk one way at church and another at school.

One year ago, I decided to follow a wild dream: I wanted to write meaningful words. I have always had a secret desire to write and for reasons I can’t fully understand, I jumped in with both feet. I joined hope*writers and began writing with the intention of using my words to influence and encourage, to teach and to share bits of myself and my story. But I wasn’t really sure what sharing my words would look or feel like.

Honestly, I have lived most of this life crafting my words to help me fit in. My need for belonging was stronger than my need to stand out. I used my words to be the good girl, the smart girl, the nerdy girl. I carefully chose my words to be the wise counselor, the dutiful pastor’s wife and the engaged homeschool mom. But I rarely trusted my voice. I lived feeling insecure and bound up, afraid that my words might make someone angry or dislike me. Honestly, I didn’t love myself, and I certainly didn’t trust and value my voice. And yet, I knew I was supposed to write.

This past year has been a crazy journey in every way possible - for all of us. But I have begun to find my voice through writing. I am beginning to know myself more deeply, and my writing is an outflow of that. Writing requires me to listen well - because in my life, I’ve allowed other voices to be louder than my own. It requires me to be disciplined - because I’ve often chosen busyness (and sometimes laziness) over sitting down to write every day. It also requires me to choose courage - because sharing my true self is scary work. I don’t always even know who my true self is. But I keep showing up. And slowly, very slowly, I am learning who I am without all of the other voices. I am discovering my true self and my authentic voice. And I am grateful that I said yes to writing and to hope*writers. Because when I said yes to writing, I was really saying yes to myself - to knowing myself and to finding authentic ways of belonging.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to be brave and choose yourself. Choose to do whatever thing helps you to hear your own voice. Your voice matters.

And I am grateful to you for reading my words and coming along on my journey. Thank you for being here.