Perspectives

A few weeks ago, the boys and I went hiking at Noccolula Falls. It was somewhere I have been intending to take them for a while. And, I’ll be honest, I was desperate to see a waterfall and get up close to it. I really wanted to get one of those cool photos from behind the falls. Because…. you know, the backside of water.

We left our house early, got there before the crowds, and headed for the trails. I had done my research and knew there was a trail that went down into the gorge and allowed access to get up close and personal with the falls. I couldn’t wait. The recent rain made the falls wild and full and powerful, and I was so excited.

As we started down the main trail, we found the access point to the “secret” back-side-of-water path. But what we found was less of a path and more of a rock face that needed rappelling equipment. It was a LONG way down y’all!

I can get really excited and pretty stubborn about chasing adventures. I don’t want to miss out on anything, and I have been known to get pretty feisty about it all. I struggle against the limitations of the diseases my body fights. Sometimes, in the moment of my adventuring spirit, I try things that are really not very safe. But on this day, even I knew this was beyond me. I was not up to scrambling down slippery rocks. My joints would never allow it.

We shifted our expectations and stayed on the main trail. I was disappointed though. I had visions of conquering nature and seeing something amazing. My perspective was clouded by what I was missing.

As we walked the 2 mile Black Creek Trail that follows the curves of the river below, my perspective began to shift despite my disappointment. I started noticing what was around me, and nature showed me her charms. The waterfall we first encountered was wild and powerful, a little terrifying when you looked down into the gorge. We could hear the loud pounding of the water from the main falls long after we left them behind.

I began to think about the places in life that seem terrifying and wild at first - parenting, moving to a new city, starting a new job, a new relationship. We jump in and try to take the most direct path to get to where we want to be. But sometimes, direct doesn’t come together for us. Sometimes we are forced to take a roundabout way. We can hear the river roaring and know that is the place we want to be. But we are stuck listening and waiting.

How often do we miss the charms of what is directly in front of us because our hearts want to be on the most direct path? I know I have been there. I am impatient, and I want to get immediate and perfect results in everything I do. Taking the “long way ‘round” is not my first instinct. And very rarely am I on it by choice.

But sometimes…

Sometimes, the long way holds rewards too.

As we made it to the end of the 2 mile trail, we came to a bend in the river. It was peaceful and beautiful. It hardly seemed like the same river, but I know it was. We sat for a while and meditated and talked together about the ways the river had changed.

I almost missed the beauty and charm of the trail I was on. I wanted adventure and a rush of accomplishing a big task. What I got was a roundabout path that was (I am pretty sure) just as beautiful in its own way.

When we got to the very end of Black Creek Trail, we turned around and walked back the way we came. I noticed a lot more this time. I wasn’t so lost in the fog of missing my ideal adventure.

So often, my heart is in a hurry. A hurry to be healed. A hurry to know. A hurry to learn. A hurry to find perfection. But I miss a lot that way. There are a lot of beautiful things to experience when I slow down and notice the grace around me. I am learning. I will keep making mistakes and trying to scramble down the rocks to get to the end goal. But I will also keep breathing, keep learning my limits, and keep looking for beauty in what’s around me.

Oh, and the end of our hike that day? It was totally worth the wait.

Where do you find yourself rushing through to get to the end goal? How can you be more intentional in your journey? Where can you slow down and notice the grace around you?

4 Ways We Can Survive Times of Waiting

Weeks have turned into months and we are still in this mess. We assumed (hoped, prayed?) we would be back to “normal” now. The initial fear and anxiety has turned to weariness and a stress level that’s always just below our boiling point. Numbers continue to climb, but now, the stories of illness are closer to home. There’s a lot of fighting over who to believe and what is true. Many of us have mental and emotional health that is suffering. What do we do when we can’t see the end of the story and we feel like we’re wandering in the wilderness?

Exodus story My Spiritual Director said something profound to me in our very first session together. I was sharing my story & we were talking about life giving spiritual practices. She said, “We are all writing our own exodus story. What are the things that are manna for your soul?” Weeks and weeks later, I am still processing this one question.

Here is the truth: We are all wandering in the wilderness these days, and I’ve been thinking a lot about this question. What is the manna that is sustaining me? It sometimes differs by the day, and even by the hour. But there are a few things that continue to sustain me during this wilderness season. Maybe they will be helpful to you too. So here are my top 4 Manna practices for this season and all the seasons to come.

1. Give yourself grace. We’ve never done this before. Literally. We have never lived our lives in the middle of a pandemic. We’ve never had to make these decisions or know the right answer in a situation like this. So be kind to yourself.

   When you feel frustrated that you aren’t making the progress you want, remind yourself that this is all new.

   When you can’t find your normal energy or motivation, say to yourself, “I’ve never done this before.”

   And your kids? This is all new to them too.

   So take the nap, read for fun, go for a walk, savor an extra cup of coffee tomorrow morning. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend. Tell your inner critic to take a (long) break, and give yourself grace.

2. Simplify. We are so used to busy & complicated lives. Technology claims to make life easier, but we all know that isn’t true. Whether it’s in person or from home, we are juggling jobs and school and family life and “virtual” relationships. We want to add enriching activities for ourselves and our kids and to find time for all of the things. Bur how much of this makes our lives better? How many of these things are just one more thing to get done? Adding things in a time when stress is higher (see above) is a recipe for overwhelm and unmet goals. Instead, let’s find ways to simplify. Order in once a week. Let that home project slide for now. Fill your heart with simple joys. Watch a movie together. Take turns choosing which takeout to order from. Have a “clean out the fridge” dinner. Make your life easier in every way possible. Life is complicated enough without us adding to it.

3. Rest. This one is hard when, fo many of us, everyone is home - All The Time! Right?

   For too many years, I didn’t know how to ask for the rest I needed. I was burned out and my body was failing me from overextending myself so many times. One of the most important spiritual practices I learned after the death of my husband was taking a Sabbath. This is a life saving practice, y’all.

   For me and my family, we have Sabbath on Saturday. We don’t schedule things outside the house if we can help it. We plan to rest. By that I mean rest is literally in our schedule for Saturdays. My man cubs spend much of their day watching movies and playing games. I spend most of my day away from technology. I try not to waste my time scrolling social media (this one is challenging sometimes). most Saturdays I read, listen to podcasts or audiobooks, find a way to be creative, and enjoy silence.

   Now, I realize silence is a rare thing for those of you with tiny humans in the house (my humans aren’t so tiny anymore.) But where can you find those moments of stillness? Can you take a walk together as a family and notice the beauty of nature? Can you take an hour of quiet instead of picking up the toys while your kids nap? Can you take an extra long shower while someone else does toddler time?

   Fight for this time. It’s worth it. You are worth it. You can’t give out of an empty vessel.

4. Breathe. It sounds so simple. We do it all day long without even thinking about it. But when we take time to intentionally inhale and exhale, and pay attention to that process, it calms our heart rate, soothes our anxiety, and it helps ground us in the moment.

   Take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Notice what it feels like to breathe in and breathe out.

   Where do you feel the breath most strongly? In the nostrils? In your belly rising and falling? As it passes through your throat? Focus on that place for a few breaths.

   Notice the tiny pause before the inhale begins and before the exhale begins. Take time to count a few breath cycles. What does it feel like to pay attention to your breathing?

   This is part of mindfulness and is available to you anytime. When things feel overwhelming, return to the breath. When you have a decision to make, pay attention to your breath before you start processing the choices. Your breath is a respite for you anywhere and at any time.

The big takeaway here is to be kind to yourself. You matter. Your health and well-being matters. Your family will benefit from you choosing to be your best self. It isn’t always easy, but it is always worth the extra effort.

I want to hear from you. What are you doing to care for yourself in this season? Name one place you will choose better care for yourself in the next week.