Reconciliation part 3
All photos in this post are taken by the lovely and talented Eliza Stewart.
You can follow her work on Instagram or on her website at https://elizastewartphotography.mypixieset.com
Hi Friends - today I am sharing the story telling with my dear friend Eliza again. We want to share with you the second chapter of our story as friends. You can read the first chapter in Eliza’s words and in mine.
Our story did get a second chance, and I am so grateful.
The first time we talked we were hesitant and cautious. Our words were intentional to make space for the other. Neither of us prepared bullet points or arguments, but were open to how the Spirit moved in our sharing experiences and questions for the other.
Through sharing our perspective of what happened back in 2016 and 2017, we gained valuable insight to what each of us were going through. I, (Eliza) learned important information about what Renae was experiencing that I had not known in the 5 years apart. This changed how I felt about the estrangement. I had more compassion. I now understand that what had felt intentional and directed was not personal or pointed toward me. Life happens and timing is not always perfect. I was left with hurt feelings in the absence of clarity and I learned that assumptions can snowball when left unchecked.
And I (Renae) had to get over my fear of saying the wrong thing. Allowing my fear of risk to paralyze me had hurt us both in the past, and I was determined to listen well and speak honestly.
We chose to go slow, knowing that both of us needed time to process and breathe. We were always aware of our own emotional triggers and window of tolerance (what we could handle at any one moment.) We slowly caught up, always ending each conversation on something we were each grateful or hopeful about. It was a much needed lift at the end of any hard phone call or FaceTime.
Slowly, slowly, we heard one another’s stories of our time apart. We celebrated all of the memories, victories, and milestones each of us had during that time too. We cried together and laughed together. Honestly, we just got to know one another all over again.
Our reconciliation has taken time and patience and compassion. We both stepped into this not knowing the outcome. There has been deep healing in both of our lives because we took time and risked our hearts. But we have built a new level of deep trust and understanding and love for one another.
We also could never go back and build a relationship that looked exactly the same - because we are not the same people. Eliza is an adult with a wife and a career now. All of the trauma she experienced shaped her theology and her understanding of who she is. I have deconstructed/reconstructed my personal theology and my understanding of who I am since my loss. Everything that we experienced during our time of estrangement shaped us into who we are today. So one of the most important pieces to finding a safe space to rebuild has been accepting each other for who we are now.
I (Renae) feel so honored to know Eliza as an adult - to see her growth and transformation. She really has taught me so much about grace and forgiveness. And I love Jayne. She is compassionate and funny and kind. She and Eliza have a strong and happy marriage, and I am so glad for both of them.
I (Eliza) love the name of Renae’s blog, “Traces of Grace”, because it so beautifully describes how I feel about this new relationship renewed. We are unified again not because we willed it into being, but because of the grace of the Holy Spirit working in our lives to the reconciliation of all persons, beloved by God. Our relationship mirrors the gospel; death to life. In the resurrection of our relationship we both get to experience again and again grace poured out for us for the forgiveness of sins and reconciliation to God and one another. This is the greatest work of grace in our lives that we get to love and be loved by one another again.
In the hard conversations and the tears and in the joy, God is doing something new and we get to participate in the community of Christ’s church. As we both minister to the communities we are in, together this journey….. This work of reconciliation is hard and holy work. But it is so worth it.
