vulnerability
Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences --Brene Brown
I don’t know about you, but for me, vulnerability is something I have to be purposeful with. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I am often cautious with my vulnerability, sometimes too cautious. I like to hide behind my “Everything is fine” mask and try to discern whether I can trust you with who I really am.
I had an experience this week though that challenged my protective measures. I was on a zoom conference listening to an author and speaker share about Sabbath practices. I was tired and not really sure I wanted to be there honestly. But the speaker emanated a calming, soulful presence, and soon I was drawn in. We ended our morning session with breakout rooms - a part of zoom (and in person) meetings that challenge me. I can hide in the many squares and faces when we are all listening to the main speaker, but when I am sent into a breakout room of just 4 to 5 people, hiding is less of an option. As soon as I joined my room that day, there was a different feeling in that space. There was the usual awkwardness of who would speak first. And as often happens, I volunteered to be brave and guide the group - mainly because my anxiety of no one volunteering is greater than my anxiety over going first and getting my part over with. But as we each shared in those few moments, I felt a connection that felt different than most breakout sessions. There was a tentative vulnerability there and I noticed that when one of us was brave, it drew courage from the rest of us.
The afternoon session was even better than the morning, and I rejoiced that there was a two-part writing challenge. The first felt natural to me - write a letter to Spirit, expressing my love and praise. For seven minutes, I wrote fervishly, pouring out my praise. The second part of the challenge was much harder to me - write a love letter to myself from Spirit. This seven minutes was hard and emotional for me. I had a hard time hearing God’s love. And then our leader spoke the words that made me want to hide: I want you to share your letters in your breakout rooms. EEK! She of course gave us permission to not share or to only share parts of our writing. But if you know me, you know there was no way I was not going to fully follow directions!
As we transitioned to our rooms, I was relieved to see the same four familiar faces from the morning. That would make this sharing easier at least. But what followed was a half hour of the most beautiful, sacred sharing I have ever been a part of. Five women across zoom shared the intimate outpourings of praise and authenticity. Again, courage birthed more courage, and there was a holy vulnerability with one another in Spirit’s presence. I felt seen and held by those women. As we debriefed following our reading, each one of us shared awe and gratitude for the compassionate presence and unexpected connection we each felt. I may never see those women again, but they are a part of my story now - a healing witness to the mysterious connection that vulnerability can create.
I learned something new this week about myself and about vulnerability. Being brave and letting myself be seen may be scary, but I am safe in Spirit’s presence when I choose vulnerability. I’ve heard Brene Brown say that vulnerability is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection. My friends, let’s practice being brave. Let yourself be seen. No one else has your story or your light. With all of the divisiveness we experience in this world, vulnerability and authenticity is our path back to one another.