Traditions and the Now Normal

We are in such an uncertain time. The pandemic has been shaking up our lives for eight months. The routines that once were so entrenched in our daily lives have fallen away. And somehow, November is half over and the holiday season is upon us. Nothing looks the same, and I have to wonder what the next 6 weeks will even look like. Certainly not like it has in the past. Everything from how we shop to visiting family is up in the air. I will confess, it makes me anxious and sad.

We have all been wrestling with our routines and rhythms. “Normal” is gone, and maybe it was never really a thing at all.

I should tell you that I despise the term “new normal.” I heard it a lot in grief circles and from people trying to help me cope after I became a widow. All I could think was, “there is nothing normal about anything in my life any more.” How do you find normal when your whole life has been blown to hell?

This year has felt that way for most, if not all of us.

My pastor has started using the terms “now normal” and the “next now.” The idea is that what is normal today may not be normal tomorrow. The choices we make today may not even be possible tomorrow. It makes so much more sense to me, in these Covid days, where everything changes in the blink of an eye, to keep flexibility in the front of our minds.

However, we are creatures of habit. We like to know what to expect. It gives us a sense of safety and control. The months of uncertainty have taken their toll, and we long for security. This is especially true in our holidays. And the holidays are upon us.

So how can we give ourselves the security we long for - especially during the upcoming holiday season - and still make room for flexibility in the “now normal?”

I think it ultimately comes down to learning to recognize what we can and can’t control. We cannot control what the virus does to our holiday plans. But what can we control?

What rituals in our history can we maintain in the uncertainty of right now? What traditions are still possible to continue in Corona-tide? What can we tweak that will still feel familiar? What new traditions can we adopt that will bring us joy this year?

I am still working all of this out for my family, but let me share an example with you.

We decorated our house last weekend. Our family has decorated for Christmas on the middle weekend in November since we were in seminary (usually this is also the weekend that Alabama plays Mississippi State in SEC football, and for many years that was also a part of our weekend decorating tradition.) Once Cole was born in mid-November, we used his birthday as the pivot point. We always decorate the weekend after Coley’s birthday. The boys and I make peppermint hot chocolate, turn on some Christmas music, and put up the tree together. It might seem too early to some, but it works for us, and it is a favorite tradition for the boys and me.

Decorating for Christmas this past weekend felt familiar and comforting. It was something I could continue that helps us feel safe and happy. We also celebrated our first “holiday” drink at Starbucks. It’s another small act that brings us a lot of joy.

Think about the traditions in your family. How can you make space for new ones and treasure the old ones? Those places matter more than ever this year. Things will be different. There is no way around that. But we can work to find familiar routines where we can and hold them extra close. As we strive for “normalcy” in a year that has brought so much change to all of us, familiar rituals and traditions can make all the difference.

So tell me, what traditions are you holding tight to this year?