New Calling

I have always felt a calling on my life. I can remember moments from as early as 8 years old where I felt called & compelled to serve God. Not only in the “we are all called to live like Jesus and share His love” type of call, although that is absolutely central to my understanding of being a Christ follower. I do, and have always felt compelled, to live my faith out loud. But this is something more. I knew God was calling me to some specific ministry, some space where only I could serve.

This calling has looked different throughout my life. I have served God through counseling, teaching, singing, and being a clergy wife and homeschooling mom. I have experienced great joy in these roles. But still, there was something hiding just beyond what I could see.

In the last few years, I have felt a different sort of urging from Spirit. It has taken time, lots of inner work, and support from family, friends, and mentors, but I am finally feeling some clarity.

You see, I believe there are places in each of us where our passions, our training, our gifts, our longings and dreams, and our life experiences come together in this beautiful connecting point where we are most fully ourselves. These areas are life-giving. They make us light up. They give us energy and fuel our passion even more. And sometimes things happen that we cannot even explain. I have seen it in others, but I have struggled to find it in myself.

For much of the time since I became a widow, I felt lost in my backstory. You know how all supervillains have some tragic backstory - a reason why they pursue revenge or do evil? Well, I was wrapped up in my own backstory of trauma and loss and abuse. While it didn’t motivate me to do evil, it certainly did hold me hostage. I couldn’t see my future because all of my energy was spent processing and healing from my past.

One day, my dear friend said something that changed my life though. We have only known one another for a couple of years, but we have a depth of friendship that is held together tighter than most by Spirit and a common desire for authenticity and transformation. One day she said to me, “Renae, what’s most interesting about your story is who you are becoming.”

And y’all, I swear to you that there were actual fireworks that went off in my head in that instant.

Suddenly, I recognized that I am more than the trauma I have survived. I am more than the critical voices in my head. My story is one of becoming, of hope and grace, and of transformation.

Just to be clear, I still have moments of sadness, of overwhelm, of anxiety and ptsd. But now I see them as moments - not as the whole story.

I am finding that life-giving, soul-passion energy in 2 specific ways.

Number one: I am writing. I love words and have always harbored a secret desire to be a writer. And so I joined Hope*Writers and I began calling myself a writer and I began this blog. It is scary and risky and often feels way too vulnerable. But I feel alive and full of energy and hope when I write and hit publish.

The second place I find myself feeling fully alive is walking alongside of a fellow human as they live out their own sacred story. In my role as counselor and clergy wife and friend, I tasted a sense of this. But I have fully embraced this passion by going back to school and becoming a Spiritual Director.

Spiritual Direction is simply a journey that helps you care for your soul, learn to hear Spirit’s voice, and explore spiritual practices that help you notice God at work in your life.

And so today I am announcing and launching my Spiritual Direction practice. As a Spiritual Director, it will be my honor to walk with you on your own spiritual journey.

Please pray for me in this new ministry, and reach out if you have questions. I have set up a new page where you can learn more and contact me directly, and I have included a link below. I can’t wait to connect with you!